The phrase "reasons why I'm single" has swept through the interwebs and picked up a laughable and semi-negative connotation. For longer than a millennia, mankind's different cultures have been shaped by this socially (and spiritually) recognized ritual and to venture later into adulthood not married unnecessarily carries this type of stigma that would leave us to believe we are unfulfilled, unsettled and somehow unhappy.
For a fun writing exercise tonight, I thought I would put a positive spin on that cliche and fight the good fight for those that of us that find solitude perfectly fine. I would like to attempt to teach a lesson to those of you that seek to match make single friends, I'd like to stop those of you from playing the "you're running out of time" card at family events. Lastly, I'd like for you to stop worrying about the single people in your life; our relationship status is not your obligation.
First up in this discussion is probability. There are people out there that happened to cross paths with someone else that created such a chemistry, such beautiful electricity and created such a scale of balance between the two of them and they concluded their search. Most of us know at least one couple like that, recognize that they are not perfect and still envy their bond. Probability did not strike like that in my life. Perhaps it did a long time ago and I failed to act; I'll never know. I've said it before but what if some of us just make bad decisions? What if some of us find someone, see nothing but hope for the good in them (to a fault) and it does not surface consistently? Then, we stick by their side for too long and our happiness drowns along with our projected potential for them. That type of person is single today because they held out hope for too long. There are far greater crimes and far fewer actions a beautiful soul can make, you would do well to remember that if you believe this might describe a friend of yours.
Secondly, I will speak to divorce. Why? Well, because I am and I have dated women that are divorced. Whether or not children are involved, it is an absolutely unique circumstance and completely on a case by case basis. That person made a vow to honor someone the rest of their lives and for whatever reason(s), they permanently changed their mind. Believe me, to face that decision, children, family and friends is a Herculean task. Do not, for one second, think that a divorced friend of yours is wounded and needs your help. If you have not been through a divorce, they have already successfully pushed through more emotional relationship adversity than you have, they do not require your assistance; give them their due space in terms of them being single.
Lastly, satisfaction. Some people get by in life with not getting enough satisfaction in their relationships, and that's a shame. Others get by in the way of receiving too much and never yielding it in return. For some of us, we need balance. If we bring a lot to the proverbial table then we expect the same back. If our heart is not in it and we cannot reciprocate the level the other person is putting in, then that will not work either. It is extremely possible your single friend is comfortable and they know damn well what they want. We absolutely will not settle for anything less than exactly what we want and there is no sin in that so your single friend does not need your absolution.
All in all, the challenge here is for single folks to get comfortable in your own skin if you are not already. Build the best house you possibly can by cleaning out your closets of emotion and finance and put forth the best physical version of yourself that you can. Lastly, for those of us that have a significant other, stop trying to be our realtors by listing fire sales on the home next to us; perhaps we will find our own neighbor organically, in time.
