What's in a name?

When Sam and I found out we were having a boy, the process of finding the right name began. As I do with everything in life, I over-analyzed this and placed an incredible significance on his name. How would we ever agree on the perfect name?

Early on, Sam stumbled across the name "Zephyr" and loved it. In Greek mythology, Zephyrus is the God of the West Wind and brought Spring about. Our son was to be born in the Spring and much of that name seemed to fit, I just was not bought into the actual name itself but I did love the significance. The alliteration at the end of Zephyr and Currier never sat well with me either. Her search ended and mine began.

Shortly after my begrudging agreement to this name I happened to catch 'Dead Poet's Society' again. When I first saw this movie in the mid 90s it was instantly my favorite. I was (and am) absolutely fascinated by its transcendental poetic theme, the characters and story arch touched my soul. The story teaches us to pursue our dreams above all adversity, to 'seize the day' and as Henry David Thoreau stated it in 'Walden' to "live deliberately".

In the movie, this concept is taught to a group of impressionable young men by an unorthodox professor at a very prestigious private school. Looking back on myself, since I was old enough to have my first crush on a girl I can say without a doubt that I have always been a romantic. Because of that, if you have seen the movie, you'll understand why I was immediately drawn to the character of Knox Overstreet. The other young men battled with developing careers, their grades and one of them even his own overbearing father. Knox's fight was in his heart; the girl he longed for was taken. He applied the 'carpe diem' concept to the classic theme of chasing after the girl. In the end, his persistence not only won him a thorough ass-kicking, but it won him the girl as well. Check please! I was sold on the name 'Knox'.

I can name one time in my own life where I chased after the girl and perhaps a future blog entry will tell the tale of that beautiful night. In any light, a name that represents such unadulterated passion for love is one that I wanted my son to have.

When I mentioned the name 'Knox' to Sam, she fell in love with it instantly. She has always preferred one syllable names for boys (Knox's older brother is named Tre). Once she re-watched the movie and understood the inspiration behind the name, 'Zephyr' took a back seat and in its entirety his full name is Knox Zephyr Currier.

If he ends up being anything like his dramatic father, he will be inspired by the story of his own name. In our lives we face choices. Those choices are the result of how much adversity we care to deal with. If I can mold my son in only one fashion, it would be within one of him holding a passion for life that burns brighter than most he meets. His presence will stand out in a crowd because it will be deliberate. This is both the gift and challenge that I give to him.

Knox, as the poem is quoted within the movie you were named for, 'suck out all the marrow of life' and live as deliberately as you can. Lastly, when you finally find the girl, chase after her with every fabric of your being. I guarantee you the lesson you learn from it or the love that you find will be worth every fleeting moment that you chased her.

Resolute.

Two years ago to date, I finally started a blog to express to family and friends what type of changes I wanted to make in my life. My thought was if I told people what I wanted to accomplish they would help hold me accountable to those goals. Not even two months into that and ever since then, it has evolved into a sounding board where I openly blogged about personal aspects of my life like divorce, fatherhood, love, adoption, spirituality and even heartache.

The more brutally honest I was about some of my thoughts and feelings, the more people would go out of their way to support me. Naturally, that encouraged me to dive deeper inward on the next blog post and bring something else to light. Your support has been the disinfecting sunlight into some of the darkest corners of my heart. The only way I can describe to each of you what that growth process really feels like is to tell you that I simply feel like I am more whole of a man. Thank you for that.

For me personally, this year opened with a dawn that began one of the most brilliant and promising years that I have seen in a decade. Unfortunately it transitioned into a less than satisfying sunset but I am glad to see its rays set and disappear beyond the horizon that was 2014.

Good or bad outcome, I can say that my effort was present. From me, 2014 heard more of my laughs, felt more of my love, saw more of my growth, witnessed more of my flaws and felt more of my pain than many of the previous years combined.

After the last 365 days I am unsatisfied and I hunger for more. My appetite includes a healthier version of myself, putting together and documenting an official bucket list and obtaining a comfortable financial position that I have yet to attain. Most importantly, this coming year will witness a version of me that remains genuine and one that is deliberate.

I will get back up of the mat a little quicker than I did last year. I will take a few less sips and read a few more books. I will breathe in deeper and sigh a little less. I will spend more time in the present than pining over what has been lost.

I will allow the spark for life I posses to catch the kindling of a positive attitude and guide me into the beginning of a great 2015. You should come along, it promises to be one hell of a ride.