Reminder

October 1st. I remember this date in 2012 so vividly. I had spent the entire previous weekend moving all of my belongings by myself from the condo in Fenton where I lived with my wife, stepson and son to an apartment in Livonia. That night would be the first night I'd fall asleep alone in dead quiet as no children, another adult or a dog were there to stir the silence. It was a Monday and it was incredibly surreal.

I am infamous for being able to fall asleep quickly under ridiculous circumstances. Just got into an argument? Good night. Woke up a little too early on a Sunday, had cup of coffee and a light rain outside got the best of me? Lights out. That night was different. What had I just done? I broke vow by giving up. I let down an 11 year old. My own son was sleeping in a crib 50 miles away. Did I just make the right decision by asking for a divorce?

I could not believe how unhappy I was with a commitment I had made that, by design, is meant to bring structure, stability and happiness to one person. Sure, marriage is no walk in the park but my God was it supposed to have the lowest of lows this consistently? I chose to pursue my own happiness and now I couldn't bare the thought of my own decision. Finally exhausted I fell asleep at who knows what hour and had that weird thing happen where you wake up and you think the awful circumstance you fell asleep under was part of the dream that you just had. You receive that split second of relief where you thank your lucky stars that what you previously held as an awful reality was just fiction. Then the cold, other side of the bed brought it all tumbling down again. 

These eight years have been a journey and I have easily grown more as a person within them more than I probably had my entire adult life outside of that. I have reconnected with family that I hardly spoke to in years, reinvested time into friendships that have paid dividends since then and finally digested the giant slice of humility that I served myself of financially restarting my entire life. I used the phrase journey a moment ago but frankly it's been one multipronged life lesson that I have thoroughly enjoyed. 

I have found new friendships since then that are just as strong as ones I've had for decades. I have had my heart filled up and broken. I've learned new things and picked up new hobbies. I've re-established the relationship with that then-eleven-year-old and we have a great presence in each other's lives. I have learned to love myself and found comfort in solitude. That might ring with a grim undertone but it's the opposite; I am comfortable in my own skin.

Most importantly, where many people hold grudges and maintain awful interactions with their former spouse, that bond has become a strength for our son. I would say we are all lucky that it has worked out but in fact the work was done and we're all grateful for the fact that not only are we all adults, we all are able to consistently act like it. 

I noticed the date was October 1st today right before bed. I stopped on the way to bed, turned around and wanted to capture my thoughts in the moment. While many times I recognize a recurring date and hold on to the awful things that might have happened on this anniversary, today is not one of those days for me anymore. October is that first month in Michigan where we don't hold on to random warm days and accept that fact that cold weather is on the horizon. That nature around us dies and retracts for awhile. Instead on dwelling on the significance of the cold change in season which coincided with letting go of dying relationships, instead I'll appreciate the wonderful life that has grown out of that compost because it's one I am incredibly proud of.

Today is YOUR Day!

Well hello there, little one.

While you have no comprehension of the journey your new, wonderful little soul is about to embark upon, there are specific assurances that I can give you that are sure to reach across space, love and will that can land within your precious little heart right now.

Let me tell be the first to officially tell you that you have hit the absolute parent lottery with the two you have been graced with. I have had the honor to cross paths with and individually befriend them both before they were married. They are so excited and ready to meet you and few things will bring me more joy than when I can officially meet the one that gave them the title 'mother' and 'father'. 

Your father is such a breath of fresh air. As chivalry continues to wain, he stands strong against its withering and leads by example on how to appreciate a woman. As much as I fashion myself a gentleman, I am inspired by his commitment to this age old fundamental. I am more than sure that his actions will set the bar for what you look for in a spouse one day. You'll grow up within that and will see it first hand. Allow me to bid good luck to the man that will one day try to measure up to appreciate you the way your father does your mother; he's going to need it.

Your mother is such a strong woman. Despite her consistently early bed time, she does possess a love for Peter Pan that I appreciate; truly young at heart and I adore that. She has such a warm, welcoming and light heart that to know you come from just half of that let's us know that your heart will start out exactly in the right place. She is going to show you first hand, how to appreciate the ones you love so well. Her soul is a wonderful mold for you to be nurtured and cast within. 

You see, the stars are already aligned for you. You are the physical representation of their love and I have been lucky enough to see that love first hand. I have watched your father dote on how he feels about your mother, I have seen the smile that their bond puts on your mother's face and I have witnessed their young-at-heart love for one another the day they said 'I do' when they committed their vows to one another. Parent lottery, I tell you. Welcome to this wondrously crazy world, little one. I absolutely cannot wait to meet you!

Global Adversity vs. Us

Almost no one thought we would end up in a world like we have in March of 2020. Yet, here we are at the behest of all its absurdity.

Every generation has its milestones and I'll list ours for the sake of discussion; we were the last generation to have incredulous amount of freedom as children, the internet was born, cellular telephones with cameras were a thing and suddenly all of the information we've ever known was instantly at the tip of our fingers. Society had its issues but I would wager that since the industrial revolution, no other generation has seen that level of technological advancement within such a short amount of time. I could be wrong but you will allow me to wax poetic, won't you?

When you think back on accomplishments, the human spirit can have a tendency to rest upon its own induced laurels. The muscle rests in time of peace and leads to atrophy. The wits dull and the belly gets fat. We did not have a significant agent of adversity so our source of evolutionary requirement faded into the background so our collective mindset continues to maintain the status quo. Adversity carves out firm character, requires perseverant innovation and inspires unselfish cooperation. Well, the world decided we needed a lesson in humane fundamentals.

This outbreak has asked us to prioritize the sick and elderly, become aware of one another and the level of vulnerable that life brings. What I have witnessed in the last two weeks, (while the loss of life unfortunately compounds), has been inspirational at the community level. The world is being wired again to learn that the preservation and safe keeping of life is a need that weighs heavier than non-essential wants. I am anxious for when we can expect day-to-day life to return to a version more recently familiar, because we have yet to know the underlying cost.

In the remake of the move 'The Day the Earth Stood Still' I remember being inspired by the scene where the alien Klaatu (played by Keanu Reeves) tells Professor Barnhardt (played by the wonderful John Cleese) that the human race will see its world end for how it has treated the planet. Barnhardt makes the counter point that Klaatu's own race faced a similar situation previously but was given the chance to right the ship, which they obviously did. The line he sites is one of my favorites and roots my love for the word precipice; he tells him "It is only the brink that people find the will to change. Only at the precipice do we evolve. This is our moment."

Well, how deep is the impact on that quote when read today? There have been significant sources of adversity on the world in my 41 years but none of them are as globally significant as the COVID-19 pandemic. Perhaps this is our moment and this helps shape humanity on a better path. My hope lies in the idea that these younger generations realize and remember what the world had to do in order to maximize the number of people that survive. As Robert Frost said, we still have "miles to go before (we) sleep" but we will eventually turn this corner. That is inevitable regardless of how difficult this is to comprehend now.

The question that remains is not what will this teach us but what will we remember? How will this shape us? Something is attempting to teach us a lesson, forged in adversity that is requiring us to strip away non-essential things in order to survive. The price is being paid, but what will it purchase? Whatever it is, however this ends, we owe it that much to hang onto what this experience is showing us right now.

Keep your receipts, folks. Stay safe and healthy.