Birthday wishes

Dear ...,

I wish I knew the name to address my salutation to but to date, you have chosen for me not to know this yet. I say "yet" but truth be told my faith has begun to wane in the hopes of ever actually meeting you. This summer will be five years since your last correspondence to Catholic Social Services and I am left with only the option to wait.

I am beginning to understand that our potential reunion comes with greatest of complications to your life. I physically represent the greatest truth that you have never brought to light; you mothered a child thirty-six years ago, today. If and when that secret is brought out of the darkest corner of your closet, I can merely begin to comprehend what types of emotions this would set off within the people around you.

You never disclosed my existence to the man you have spent the last thirty years of your life with. He has children of his own that surely look to you as some type of motherly figure. If you only knew how envious I was of them in that sense. Also, would this man take your lack of disclosure as treachery? I cannot say for certain but I would doubt any parent would take the sudden discovery that their partner was also a parent as anything less than incredibly special. To take this first step, I wish for the courage you need to take it to arrive swiftly at your door; just a few steps later you could be walking beside me.

You and I are our mother's only children. When I think of who your parents might be, I think of a British couple in their 80s whose collective heart might actually burst when they understand that they not only have a grandson but they have a beautiful, curious and wondrous great grandson. I wish for your will to be reinforced with the humility you will need to explain our existence to them.

The toughest part for me in all of this is that my father does not even know about me. I understand he left Michigan to return to London in pursuit of a career and this ended your relationship with him. Months later, you would feel the first signs of my life. I think of my son and the times when I go without seeing him for a few days and how it feels to hold him again and how his laugh warms my heart. I hate to think of the utter shock and disbelief that will arrive to my father in the moment of him finding out about me. I wish for your proverbial legs to be reinforced with the strength to stand and deliver this truth.

When I think of what our reunion would be from my perspective, it is all good news and healing. Because of this, it is easy for me to long for this reunion. From your perspective it is the complete opposite. You have to face every person that is in your corner and not only answer for why I have been a secret but you are accountable for all of the lost time that I would have had with them. That is a weight that I wish for you to be able to lift soon.

Today is not so much my birthday as it is the one day that I know for a fact you and I will simultaneously think of each other. For now, today is the one connection I have to you and I cherish it. Happy "birth" day to you and I hope my wishes find you well.

The Day After

Valentine's Day is such polarizing holiday for us. The human race has the greatest capacity to show the emotion of love yet sometimes we seem utterly incapable of doing so.

The truth is, many of us get comfortable in our relationships and become complacent. We realize that Valentine's Day is one of the few times that our significant other expects that extra effort to be made. We make that effort and satisfy or we come up short and we disappoint.

What breeds that complacency? What failed to motivate us when we come up short? The answer is that it is a choice to do so or not. I have said and believed for the longest time that we cannot control the way we feel. I am beginning to renegotiate that. To clarify, I do believe that we develop a natural fondness or dislike to other people, that part is not a choice. However, with that natural fondness we choose whether we work to develop that relationship or dismiss it. When the natural dislike occurs with someone, do you stay naive and deny that person? Can you actually dive past that, understand the person and find that you might appreciate that difference? All of that is a choice.

Beautifully, there are people out there that will inspire us in a way that will make us go that extra mile because we simply want to. A few of us have found that person and will awaken next to them in morning. For those of you this applies to, never wait until the 14th day of February to remind that person that they fill this role in your life.

Many of us have not yet allowed ourselves to find that person because we do not take the right steps to ready ourselves for them. We were reminded all day yesterday in the streets, at restaurants, in social media news feeds and television shows that we do not have that person in our lives yet. For those of you this applies to, never wait until the 14th day of February to be reminded that you have yet to clear your head and settle your own heart to seize the moment that person walks into your life.

Some of us have already met that person yet we have allowed a reconcilable difference to come between the two of you because you place a false priority on something that does not matter in the first place. Never allow a grudge, your own perception or what other people think stand between the two of you. For those of us that this applies to, never wait until the 14th day of February to be reminded that you have yet to roll your sleeves up and make things right with that person.

Do not wait for a specific date to hit the calendar and start today, when no one expects it.

Whatever stage or whichever of these scenarios best fits you, it is important to remember your heart's capacity to show love and then go out and do it. It is the action of doing so that separates us as a race. We have the choice to set aside fear and follow our own hearts. The results can be either beautiful or devastating but it is the choice to do so that shapes how we relate with one another. Exercising this choice is what makes our 'being', human and what anchors our humanity to its one true purpose.