There is a lot for us to deal with in this life, isn't there? Almost too much sometimes.
You have your health, job, finances, family, current circumstances-- there are too many things to list. Beyond all of that, where do you find the time for friends? Sometimes that part is incredibly difficult to fit in.
So many times you have said "Work is crazy", "You know, the holidays", or even "It's been really tough to find time" to a friend. You tell them you are sorry for that. What follows that statement is your expectation that this is okay. They will tell you they understand. You have postponed, rescheduled and even cancelled with them time and time again, then all of a sudden a year goes by. Unfortunately, sometimes multiple years slip away from us. That is how the friendship begins to die on the vine but where did that start?
The reason you had to justify that time lapse is so convenient. The 'why' behind your failure to be a proper friend felt right at the time. Well, I am here to tell you that if that were the case then you fucking suck as a friend and they deserve better.
Let that settle in. You assume your friends will always be there. You have been through 'that' break up with them by your side. You have experienced that defining moment in your life with them. You have also experienced that God-awful loss with them to support you. Your friends were there, weren't they? If they were not, I guarantee that you hold a grudge towards those that were not present. There is such a hypocrisy in that mindset that you should work to correct, immediately.
I ask you, if you hold your friends accountable to making you a priority when you need them, were you accountable for when they didn't necessary need you that night? If you do not make them a priority when getting together wasn't of a life-changing circumstance, how can you hold them accountable to when it was?
Regardless of what end of this spectrum you think you are on, I challenge you to fix it. We have far too many social media devices for you to express that you are thinking of someone, at least on the digital level. Take a step forward and meet up with that person on a social level, if you can. At least make a phone call if you cannot. I implore you, find a way.
This is not about letting your friends in life mean something when it all matters the most to you. This is about letting all your friends know they mean something to you when life doesn't always matter.
Tuesday, December 1, 2015
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
The Pursuit
Say what you will about our founding fathers and their philosophy but there was one thing that I believe Thomas Jefferson had right when he penned the Declaration of Independence. He wrote, and I quote, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."
"...the pursuit of happiness"? He said it. "Pursuit". He did not say the achievement of our happiness.
Think on that for just a moment. He basically says no matter what happens, everyone has a right to their life and their liberty. We get it, he helped design a free country. He also said we have the right to pursue our own happiness though, as if it will take work to get there. I believe his wording to be of a purposeful and profound impact.
We are charged with the responsibility of our own happiness, not the guarantee of which. We all must reach within and discover that which our passions pour over. We must find what assignment brings the most happiness to our hearts. This is our trial and our option to continue to error within, until we correct it or submit to it.
To the masses that feel life is unfair or that feel something is owed to you based solely on the principal you exist; it does not. This life owes you nothing. Your circumstances, no matter how adverse, are required to yield nothing to you. Your situation, no matter how seemingly awful, does not subjugate a return. Everything you receive in this life must be paid for with your effort. Everyone would do well to recognize and understand this principal.
Why? What does that effort bring? I'll tell you. When you work towards something, when you shun a negative attitude about adversity and when you focus on what you can actually accomplish, you ultimately find success. Within that, a lesson is learned. You possibly paid blood, sweat and/or tears to perpetuate what you now have. Nothing less than effort, failure then eventual success can bring you this lesson. It is essential for everyone to understand this lesson because without it, we all stand around with our hands out, asking for what we think we are owed.
Do not stand and think you deserve something, stand and deliver what is required to yield that which you want. What is ironic is that Isaac Newton has already explained in physics what applies in social science. An object in motion tends to stay in motion and an object at rest tends to stay at rest. Apply that to your life. If you want to stand around and demand what you think you deserve, when an opportunity strikes, you'll probably continue to stand and do nothing. However, if you move after that which you want, when an opportunity strikes then you move that much faster towards it.
Jefferson tees up the concept and Newton sends it reeling, pun intended. Move forward and make motion, do not create commotion. Jefferson tells you to be free and make pursuit, Newton tells you when you move to pursue, naturally nothing wants to stop you.
Some of the most sound foundations on Earth are made from steel. Remember, so are wrecking balls.
"...the pursuit of happiness"? He said it. "Pursuit". He did not say the achievement of our happiness.
Think on that for just a moment. He basically says no matter what happens, everyone has a right to their life and their liberty. We get it, he helped design a free country. He also said we have the right to pursue our own happiness though, as if it will take work to get there. I believe his wording to be of a purposeful and profound impact.
We are charged with the responsibility of our own happiness, not the guarantee of which. We all must reach within and discover that which our passions pour over. We must find what assignment brings the most happiness to our hearts. This is our trial and our option to continue to error within, until we correct it or submit to it.
To the masses that feel life is unfair or that feel something is owed to you based solely on the principal you exist; it does not. This life owes you nothing. Your circumstances, no matter how adverse, are required to yield nothing to you. Your situation, no matter how seemingly awful, does not subjugate a return. Everything you receive in this life must be paid for with your effort. Everyone would do well to recognize and understand this principal.
Why? What does that effort bring? I'll tell you. When you work towards something, when you shun a negative attitude about adversity and when you focus on what you can actually accomplish, you ultimately find success. Within that, a lesson is learned. You possibly paid blood, sweat and/or tears to perpetuate what you now have. Nothing less than effort, failure then eventual success can bring you this lesson. It is essential for everyone to understand this lesson because without it, we all stand around with our hands out, asking for what we think we are owed.
Do not stand and think you deserve something, stand and deliver what is required to yield that which you want. What is ironic is that Isaac Newton has already explained in physics what applies in social science. An object in motion tends to stay in motion and an object at rest tends to stay at rest. Apply that to your life. If you want to stand around and demand what you think you deserve, when an opportunity strikes, you'll probably continue to stand and do nothing. However, if you move after that which you want, when an opportunity strikes then you move that much faster towards it.
Jefferson tees up the concept and Newton sends it reeling, pun intended. Move forward and make motion, do not create commotion. Jefferson tells you to be free and make pursuit, Newton tells you when you move to pursue, naturally nothing wants to stop you.
Some of the most sound foundations on Earth are made from steel. Remember, so are wrecking balls.
Sunday, November 8, 2015
Willing
As I have mentioned in this blog several times before, since my divorce I have spent the last three and a half years practicing my adopted philosophy of finding and then keeping good people in my life. Recently that means I have picked the phone up when I know I should have months ago. It also means recognizing a friendship as not healthy for you and ending it. Lastly, it requires you to own up to when you have made a mistake with a good person and working to build a track record otherwise.
Yesterday I exercised the first action mentioned and reached out to someone I should have in the last two years since we last spoke.
You see, in high school I had the fortune of being taught English for two years by one of the most beautiful souls that I have ever met, Mrs. Patricia Willing or "Patti" as I get to refer to today as a friend. She was more than a teacher, she was an inspiration to me. She was the one who introduced me to Dead Poet's Society and then afterwards she copied Professor Keating's assignment from the movie and asked us to write a poem if we dared. It was the first time someone challenged me to pick up a pen and attempt to translate my thoughts and feelings to words. What I turned in to her wasn't the greatest in my opinion but it impressed her nonetheless. I will never forget her pulling me aside and telling me what I will have to paraphrase because it has been two decades since. She told me that it may be a talent to be able to write like that but there is something beautiful about people that come to feel compelled to actually express it. Then she told me the older I get, the more difficult it will be to hold on to that but to do my best to never forget that about myself.
She is why I love American Transcendental poetry. Her influence is why I am a grammar Nazi to my friends and co-workers and why I strive to actually command the English language correctly. Most importantly, that conversation with her is why I blog today and is the reason I write poetry well into my adult life. I never let myself forget that passion that I possess.
I called her yesterday and as much as she had been on my mind, ironically I was on hers. I look forward to reuniting with her later this year for the first time since shortly after my graduation. My point in all of this is that if you had someone in your life that meant the world to you, it is your due diligence as a human being to reach out to them and let them know that. Life happens but it happens to all of us. We are all driven by different things and choose paths that lead us a part. That does not mean you cannot uncover, cut down and clear a path back to someone.
Having said that, in a tribute to her and towards a poet that I love, I will simply end this as appropriately as I can, with a quote from Walt Whitman or "Uncle Walt" as she loves refer to him as. "I have learned that to be with those I like is enough." Choose to surround yourself with that which you adore and challenge yourself to keep that which you like, close.
Yesterday I exercised the first action mentioned and reached out to someone I should have in the last two years since we last spoke.
You see, in high school I had the fortune of being taught English for two years by one of the most beautiful souls that I have ever met, Mrs. Patricia Willing or "Patti" as I get to refer to today as a friend. She was more than a teacher, she was an inspiration to me. She was the one who introduced me to Dead Poet's Society and then afterwards she copied Professor Keating's assignment from the movie and asked us to write a poem if we dared. It was the first time someone challenged me to pick up a pen and attempt to translate my thoughts and feelings to words. What I turned in to her wasn't the greatest in my opinion but it impressed her nonetheless. I will never forget her pulling me aside and telling me what I will have to paraphrase because it has been two decades since. She told me that it may be a talent to be able to write like that but there is something beautiful about people that come to feel compelled to actually express it. Then she told me the older I get, the more difficult it will be to hold on to that but to do my best to never forget that about myself.
She is why I love American Transcendental poetry. Her influence is why I am a grammar Nazi to my friends and co-workers and why I strive to actually command the English language correctly. Most importantly, that conversation with her is why I blog today and is the reason I write poetry well into my adult life. I never let myself forget that passion that I possess.
I called her yesterday and as much as she had been on my mind, ironically I was on hers. I look forward to reuniting with her later this year for the first time since shortly after my graduation. My point in all of this is that if you had someone in your life that meant the world to you, it is your due diligence as a human being to reach out to them and let them know that. Life happens but it happens to all of us. We are all driven by different things and choose paths that lead us a part. That does not mean you cannot uncover, cut down and clear a path back to someone.
Having said that, in a tribute to her and towards a poet that I love, I will simply end this as appropriately as I can, with a quote from Walt Whitman or "Uncle Walt" as she loves refer to him as. "I have learned that to be with those I like is enough." Choose to surround yourself with that which you adore and challenge yourself to keep that which you like, close.
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
Wanderlust
When I travel, it is a somber experience. I might venture to say it comes with a slight wave of depression. I travel a distance from that which I know and from that which is comfortable. By default I reflect on how far I have come in life, I appreciate what I have and I think of what I have lost and I dream for that which I do not have. One would think by now I could perform a simple task like get on a fucking plane and not feel something about it. Nope. Not this time.
At home we are the largest things of our own significance and what we surround ourselves with is all that we know. We bind ourselves so tightly inside of what is comfortable and live within our routine, naturally as any creature of habit does. That routine is the highest priority we assign. When we explore the "new" world around us, we become aware of how insignificant all of what we are is to the grand scheme of our collective lives as a human race in its entirety. In that, we are humbled or at least we should be.
A vacation is not as much to explore a new place as it is to understand other lives and to observe them without the demand our routine puts on us. The new landscapes and skylines around us serve as a contrast against the ones that which serves as our hometown. The new people we meet and their lives should- in some part -serve to show us how we can improve ours. The adrenaline and anxiety of a new experience should enlighten us as social beings because it is those experiences and growth that make us human. Going somewhere new and learning about the city, the culture and what makes it unique is to be exposed to something. Exposure leads to understanding and empathy which arguably can only make you a better person if not elevate what you are entirely.
There is such a beautiful world out there that I have only begun to witness and my heart longs to see more. Be the best human you can within your circles and feed the natural nature within your soul to learn new things; there is a waking world to explore outside of your shell. Come out of it, explore and live in it deliberately.
At home we are the largest things of our own significance and what we surround ourselves with is all that we know. We bind ourselves so tightly inside of what is comfortable and live within our routine, naturally as any creature of habit does. That routine is the highest priority we assign. When we explore the "new" world around us, we become aware of how insignificant all of what we are is to the grand scheme of our collective lives as a human race in its entirety. In that, we are humbled or at least we should be.
A vacation is not as much to explore a new place as it is to understand other lives and to observe them without the demand our routine puts on us. The new landscapes and skylines around us serve as a contrast against the ones that which serves as our hometown. The new people we meet and their lives should- in some part -serve to show us how we can improve ours. The adrenaline and anxiety of a new experience should enlighten us as social beings because it is those experiences and growth that make us human. Going somewhere new and learning about the city, the culture and what makes it unique is to be exposed to something. Exposure leads to understanding and empathy which arguably can only make you a better person if not elevate what you are entirely.
There is such a beautiful world out there that I have only begun to witness and my heart longs to see more. Be the best human you can within your circles and feed the natural nature within your soul to learn new things; there is a waking world to explore outside of your shell. Come out of it, explore and live in it deliberately.
Sunday, October 11, 2015
An open letter to the Ford family
The city of Detroit has a plethora of perceptions that are nationally held about it. As Michiganders, we acknowledge the urban blight, the city bankruptcy and proven track record of political corruption. We know and embrace all of that but we press on. That is the genetic makeup of the "Detroit vs. Everybody" mindset; and we thrive on it.
There is also a reasonable amount of support that over the last few years, the city of Detroit has seen a groundswell in the amount of renovation of buildings, increase of business and rise in population. My point is that everything in life is cyclical. Everything.
Everything except the performance of our beloved Detroit Lions over the last 50 years.
The Ford family purchased the Lions in 1963. Since then, the only period of "winning" as a franchise that you can lay claim to is the 1990s. Your "hay day" was a time period where the team went from double digit wins to double digit losses almost every year-to-year. Think about that for a moment. The best laurel you rest upon is a time period of not ever getting the job done.
One more time. Your best decade in five can be accurately classified as 'wildly inconsistent' and winning no championship.
Amongst that roller coaster, you have one play off win in over 50 years. One. What has this lackluster performance record of yours won you? I'll tell you- somehow you have won THE most disgustingly loyal fans in all of the NFL.
There is no other fan base that has had such a painstaking playoff record. There is no other group of professional football fans that has endured an 0-16 season. Over the last 31 years we have seen our baseball, hockey and basketball teams clinch a total of 7 national championships. The "City of Champions" has not even come close to applying to its own football team since before JFK was assassinated; which ironically occurred the day the Ford's offer was accepted to buy the Lions franchise. Forget football- there is no other group of human beings that has ever forgiven the level of trespasses that we have given to your ownership of our football team. None.
Now, what do you do about that? Many would love to see you sell this football team. I realize that this is both unrealistic as it is unnecessary in order to turn this team around. I actually love the romantic concept that the family that owns an American motor company would own the successful football team from the Motor City. We ask for nothing more than we would from ourselves in the face the adversity this football team has faced.
First, we ask that you at least have a voice. We ask that when the league consistently disrespects our team in the way of bad calls creating losses, we would like for you to at least show it affects you. Take a stance and let the league know that what was done was wrong and should not be tolerated. How can you expect behavior to stop if you do not express your measure of it?
Second, we want you to compete. When you see a Lions staff member consistently under performing, do something about it. Treat this team like your business and send the message that mediocrity will not be tolerated. Send that message and then do something about it. All we ask is that you hold accountability to your own employees so that they can deliver a preferred performance.
Twelve years ago, when I bought into Lions season tickets, my father (now 74) jokingly foreshadowed the lifetime of disappointment that you would inflict upon me. I shrugged it off because I truly believed that those "clutching defeat from the jaws of victory" days were over. I was wrong then but I believe you can prove me right now.
I believe that if the proper actions are taken, that this team can be something and be something soon. Why? Because statistics support the cyclical nature of the NFL that I spoke of earlier. Unfortunately, I also believe that if nothing has been done on your end to right this ship, it will continue to the next generation. Why? Because you have already allowed it to do so and I am that second generation.
Be a sports team owner. In fact, be a human and show us that you actually have a pulse. Push back against what is wrong and actually do something about it. I guarantee you have no idea what a successful Lions team could do to this city and I assure you that you underestimate the impact it would have on the fans that, like myself, have unapologetically loved this team all these years.
This team's fan base has an immeasurable amount of passion for our Detroit Lions. I implore you to show a fraction of that towards this team consistently winning. We've shown it Sunday-in-Sunday-out for decades but now it's your turn. You are up now. For the love of everything Honolulu blue, step up, Ford family.
This team's fan base has an immeasurable amount of passion for our Detroit Lions. I implore you to show a fraction of that towards this team consistently winning. We've shown it Sunday-in-Sunday-out for decades but now it's your turn. You are up now. For the love of everything Honolulu blue, step up, Ford family.
Thursday, June 25, 2015
Another Change in Season
The fact that I love metaphors is well documented throughout my blogs. The more the reference occurs organically in nature versus how well it accurately describes human tendency or my situation, the more smitten I am the metaphorical application of it.
Looking back, I know specifically that I have referenced the four seasons in my writing. I have mentioned the Fall and it's dying nature and how it applies to letting unnecessary relationships die off. I have also alluded to the Winter season and how we must stick to the bare essentials of what we know in life to make it through adversity much like trees do with photosynthesis when the snow hits. Lastly, I invoked the Spring season to speak to new beginnings in my life as well as opportunity. Somehow, I have never utilized the Summer month to apply to my life.
As a Michigander, I have dealt with back to back ridiculously cold winters that started early as well as the slow-to-start summers. I am someone who thrives off of new experiences, meeting new people and being asked to do what I have never done before. So I ask, how in the hell have I missed poetically referencing the season that naturally shows us the most growth and the most expansion? Shame on me so, here goes.
When I first starting blogging on New Years Day of 2013, I made the pledge to fix my heart and mind after a divorce, challenge my body and mind to be stronger and also address the life-long monkey on my back of fiscal responsibility. How does that look now?
I have buried the divorce hatchet with my ex-wife and have a remarkable, co-parenting relationship with her. My heart and my mind are healed from the wound of divorce, watching as it ages almost a third year now. I can argue my mind is stronger but I did not stick to the physical workout regime I promised so I type this with my body not in the physical stature that I want it to be in. Lastly, my finances are in the same position they were back then. I am in a great career, have made bad decisions and am unable to purchase a home in the manner I would like.
Having admitted and accepted all of that, the opportunity I have in front of me for growth in and out of the workplace is much like nature has every summer; limitless, depending on how much it wants to fight for. I am not sure I have ever been in a position to gain so much ground physically, career-wise, emotionally, financially and psychologically as I have right now in front of me.
Will my efforts become the growth I end up weeding out this fall before I button down the hatch to survive the proverbial winter or will I be able to effortlessly hold higher ground with the new roots I have established? I recognize the fight is mine as I acknowledge that right now, I am the worst version of my potential self.
It's all uphill from now but damn it all, the view looks great.
Looking back, I know specifically that I have referenced the four seasons in my writing. I have mentioned the Fall and it's dying nature and how it applies to letting unnecessary relationships die off. I have also alluded to the Winter season and how we must stick to the bare essentials of what we know in life to make it through adversity much like trees do with photosynthesis when the snow hits. Lastly, I invoked the Spring season to speak to new beginnings in my life as well as opportunity. Somehow, I have never utilized the Summer month to apply to my life.
As a Michigander, I have dealt with back to back ridiculously cold winters that started early as well as the slow-to-start summers. I am someone who thrives off of new experiences, meeting new people and being asked to do what I have never done before. So I ask, how in the hell have I missed poetically referencing the season that naturally shows us the most growth and the most expansion? Shame on me so, here goes.
When I first starting blogging on New Years Day of 2013, I made the pledge to fix my heart and mind after a divorce, challenge my body and mind to be stronger and also address the life-long monkey on my back of fiscal responsibility. How does that look now?
I have buried the divorce hatchet with my ex-wife and have a remarkable, co-parenting relationship with her. My heart and my mind are healed from the wound of divorce, watching as it ages almost a third year now. I can argue my mind is stronger but I did not stick to the physical workout regime I promised so I type this with my body not in the physical stature that I want it to be in. Lastly, my finances are in the same position they were back then. I am in a great career, have made bad decisions and am unable to purchase a home in the manner I would like.
Having admitted and accepted all of that, the opportunity I have in front of me for growth in and out of the workplace is much like nature has every summer; limitless, depending on how much it wants to fight for. I am not sure I have ever been in a position to gain so much ground physically, career-wise, emotionally, financially and psychologically as I have right now in front of me.
Will my efforts become the growth I end up weeding out this fall before I button down the hatch to survive the proverbial winter or will I be able to effortlessly hold higher ground with the new roots I have established? I recognize the fight is mine as I acknowledge that right now, I am the worst version of my potential self.
It's all uphill from now but damn it all, the view looks great.
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Birthday wishes
Dear ...,
I wish I knew the name to address my salutation to but to date, you have chosen for me not to know this yet. I say "yet" but truth be told my faith has begun to wane in the hopes of ever actually meeting you. This summer will be five years since your last correspondence to Catholic Social Services and I am left with only the option to wait.
I am beginning to understand that our potential reunion comes with greatest of complications to your life. I physically represent the greatest truth that you have never brought to light; you mothered a child thirty-six years ago, today. If and when that secret is brought out of the darkest corner of your closet, I can merely begin to comprehend what types of emotions this would set off within the people around you.
You never disclosed my existence to the man you have spent the last thirty years of your life with. He has children of his own that surely look to you as some type of motherly figure. If you only knew how envious I was of them in that sense. Also, would this man take your lack of disclosure as treachery? I cannot say for certain but I would doubt any parent would take the sudden discovery that their partner was also a parent as anything less than incredibly special. To take this first step, I wish for the courage you need to take it to arrive swiftly at your door; just a few steps later you could be walking beside me.
You and I are our mother's only children. When I think of who your parents might be, I think of a British couple in their 80s whose collective heart might actually burst when they understand that they not only have a grandson but they have a beautiful, curious and wondrous great grandson. I wish for your will to be reinforced with the humility you will need to explain our existence to them.
The toughest part for me in all of this is that my father does not even know about me. I understand he left Michigan to return to London in pursuit of a career and this ended your relationship with him. Months later, you would feel the first signs of my life. I think of my son and the times when I go without seeing him for a few days and how it feels to hold him again and how his laugh warms my heart. I hate to think of the utter shock and disbelief that will arrive to my father in the moment of him finding out about me. I wish for your proverbial legs to be reinforced with the strength to stand and deliver this truth.
When I think of what our reunion would be from my perspective, it is all good news and healing. Because of this, it is easy for me to long for this reunion. From your perspective it is the complete opposite. You have to face every person that is in your corner and not only answer for why I have been a secret but you are accountable for all of the lost time that I would have had with them. That is a weight that I wish for you to be able to lift soon.
Today is not so much my birthday as it is the one day that I know for a fact you and I will simultaneously think of each other. For now, today is the one connection I have to you and I cherish it. Happy "birth" day to you and I hope my wishes find you well.
Today is not so much my birthday as it is the one day that I know for a fact you and I will simultaneously think of each other. For now, today is the one connection I have to you and I cherish it. Happy "birth" day to you and I hope my wishes find you well.
Sunday, February 15, 2015
The Day After
Valentine's Day is such polarizing holiday for us. The human race has the greatest capacity to show the emotion of love yet sometimes we seem utterly incapable of doing so.
The truth is, many of us get comfortable in our relationships and become complacent. We realize that Valentine's Day is one of the few times that our significant other expects that extra effort to be made. We make that effort and satisfy or we come up short and we disappoint.
What breeds that complacency? What failed to motivate us when we come up short? The answer is that it is a choice to do so or not. I have said and believed for the longest time that we cannot control the way we feel. I am beginning to renegotiate that. To clarify, I do believe that we develop a natural fondness or dislike to other people, that part is not a choice. However, with that natural fondness we choose whether we work to develop that relationship or dismiss it. When the natural dislike occurs with someone, do you stay naive and deny that person? Can you actually dive past that, understand the person and find that you might appreciate that difference? All of that is a choice.
Beautifully, there are people out there that will inspire us in a way that will make us go that extra mile because we simply want to. A few of us have found that person and will awaken next to them in morning. For those of you this applies to, never wait until the 14th day of February to remind that person that they fill this role in your life.
Many of us have not yet allowed ourselves to find that person because we do not take the right steps to ready ourselves for them. We were reminded all day yesterday in the streets, at restaurants, in social media news feeds and television shows that we do not have that person in our lives yet. For those of you this applies to, never wait until the 14th day of February to be reminded that you have yet to clear your head and settle your own heart to seize the moment that person walks into your life.
Some of us have already met that person yet we have allowed a reconcilable difference to come between the two of you because you place a false priority on something that does not matter in the first place. Never allow a grudge, your own perception or what other people think stand between the two of you. For those of us that this applies to, never wait until the 14th day of February to be reminded that you have yet to roll your sleeves up and make things right with that person.
Do not wait for a specific date to hit the calendar and start today, when no one expects it.
Whatever stage or whichever of these scenarios best fits you, it is important to remember your heart's capacity to show love and then go out and do it. It is the action of doing so that separates us as a race. We have the choice to set aside fear and follow our own hearts. The results can be either beautiful or devastating but it is the choice to do so that shapes how we relate with one another. Exercising this choice is what makes our 'being', human and what anchors our humanity to its one true purpose.
The truth is, many of us get comfortable in our relationships and become complacent. We realize that Valentine's Day is one of the few times that our significant other expects that extra effort to be made. We make that effort and satisfy or we come up short and we disappoint.
What breeds that complacency? What failed to motivate us when we come up short? The answer is that it is a choice to do so or not. I have said and believed for the longest time that we cannot control the way we feel. I am beginning to renegotiate that. To clarify, I do believe that we develop a natural fondness or dislike to other people, that part is not a choice. However, with that natural fondness we choose whether we work to develop that relationship or dismiss it. When the natural dislike occurs with someone, do you stay naive and deny that person? Can you actually dive past that, understand the person and find that you might appreciate that difference? All of that is a choice.
Beautifully, there are people out there that will inspire us in a way that will make us go that extra mile because we simply want to. A few of us have found that person and will awaken next to them in morning. For those of you this applies to, never wait until the 14th day of February to remind that person that they fill this role in your life.
Many of us have not yet allowed ourselves to find that person because we do not take the right steps to ready ourselves for them. We were reminded all day yesterday in the streets, at restaurants, in social media news feeds and television shows that we do not have that person in our lives yet. For those of you this applies to, never wait until the 14th day of February to be reminded that you have yet to clear your head and settle your own heart to seize the moment that person walks into your life.
Some of us have already met that person yet we have allowed a reconcilable difference to come between the two of you because you place a false priority on something that does not matter in the first place. Never allow a grudge, your own perception or what other people think stand between the two of you. For those of us that this applies to, never wait until the 14th day of February to be reminded that you have yet to roll your sleeves up and make things right with that person.
Do not wait for a specific date to hit the calendar and start today, when no one expects it.
Whatever stage or whichever of these scenarios best fits you, it is important to remember your heart's capacity to show love and then go out and do it. It is the action of doing so that separates us as a race. We have the choice to set aside fear and follow our own hearts. The results can be either beautiful or devastating but it is the choice to do so that shapes how we relate with one another. Exercising this choice is what makes our 'being', human and what anchors our humanity to its one true purpose.
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
What's in a name?
When Sam and I found out we were having a boy, the process of finding the right name began. As I do with everything in life, I over-analyzed this and placed an incredible significance on his name. How would we ever agree on the perfect name?
Early on, Sam stumbled across the name "Zephyr" and loved it. In Greek mythology, Zephyrus is the God of the West Wind and brought Spring about. Our son was to be born in the Spring and much of that name seemed to fit, I just was not bought into the actual name itself but I did love the significance. The alliteration at the end of Zephyr and Currier never sat well with me either. Her search ended and mine began.
Shortly after my begrudging agreement to this name I happened to catch 'Dead Poet's Society' again. When I first saw this movie in the mid 90s it was instantly my favorite. I was (and am) absolutely fascinated by its transcendental poetic theme, the characters and story arch touched my soul. The story teaches us to pursue our dreams above all adversity, to 'seize the day' and as Henry David Thoreau stated it in 'Walden' to "live deliberately".
In the movie, this concept is taught to a group of impressionable young men by an unorthodox professor at a very prestigious private school. Looking back on myself, since I was old enough to have my first crush on a girl I can say without a doubt that I have always been a romantic. Because of that, if you have seen the movie, you'll understand why I was immediately drawn to the character of Knox Overstreet. The other young men battled with developing careers, their grades and one of them even his own overbearing father. Knox's fight was in his heart; the girl he longed for was taken. He applied the 'carpe diem' concept to the classic theme of chasing after the girl. In the end, his persistence not only won him a thorough ass-kicking, but it won him the girl as well. Check please! I was sold on the name 'Knox'.
I can name one time in my own life where I chased after the girl and perhaps a future blog entry will tell the tale of that beautiful night. In any light, a name that represents such unadulterated passion for love is one that I wanted my son to have.
When I mentioned the name 'Knox' to Sam, she fell in love with it instantly. She has always preferred one syllable names for boys (Knox's older brother is named Tre). Once she re-watched the movie and understood the inspiration behind the name, 'Zephyr' took a back seat and in its entirety his full name is Knox Zephyr Currier.
If he ends up being anything like his dramatic father, he will be inspired by the story of his own name. In our lives we face choices. Those choices are the result of how much adversity we care to deal with. If I can mold my son in only one fashion, it would be within one of him holding a passion for life that burns brighter than most he meets. His presence will stand out in a crowd because it will be deliberate. This is both the gift and challenge that I give to him.
Knox, as the poem is quoted within the movie you were named for, 'suck out all the marrow of life' and live as deliberately as you can. Lastly, when you finally find the girl, chase after her with every fabric of your being. I guarantee you the lesson you learn from it or the love that you find will be worth every fleeting moment that you chased her.
Early on, Sam stumbled across the name "Zephyr" and loved it. In Greek mythology, Zephyrus is the God of the West Wind and brought Spring about. Our son was to be born in the Spring and much of that name seemed to fit, I just was not bought into the actual name itself but I did love the significance. The alliteration at the end of Zephyr and Currier never sat well with me either. Her search ended and mine began.
Shortly after my begrudging agreement to this name I happened to catch 'Dead Poet's Society' again. When I first saw this movie in the mid 90s it was instantly my favorite. I was (and am) absolutely fascinated by its transcendental poetic theme, the characters and story arch touched my soul. The story teaches us to pursue our dreams above all adversity, to 'seize the day' and as Henry David Thoreau stated it in 'Walden' to "live deliberately".
In the movie, this concept is taught to a group of impressionable young men by an unorthodox professor at a very prestigious private school. Looking back on myself, since I was old enough to have my first crush on a girl I can say without a doubt that I have always been a romantic. Because of that, if you have seen the movie, you'll understand why I was immediately drawn to the character of Knox Overstreet. The other young men battled with developing careers, their grades and one of them even his own overbearing father. Knox's fight was in his heart; the girl he longed for was taken. He applied the 'carpe diem' concept to the classic theme of chasing after the girl. In the end, his persistence not only won him a thorough ass-kicking, but it won him the girl as well. Check please! I was sold on the name 'Knox'.
I can name one time in my own life where I chased after the girl and perhaps a future blog entry will tell the tale of that beautiful night. In any light, a name that represents such unadulterated passion for love is one that I wanted my son to have.
When I mentioned the name 'Knox' to Sam, she fell in love with it instantly. She has always preferred one syllable names for boys (Knox's older brother is named Tre). Once she re-watched the movie and understood the inspiration behind the name, 'Zephyr' took a back seat and in its entirety his full name is Knox Zephyr Currier.
If he ends up being anything like his dramatic father, he will be inspired by the story of his own name. In our lives we face choices. Those choices are the result of how much adversity we care to deal with. If I can mold my son in only one fashion, it would be within one of him holding a passion for life that burns brighter than most he meets. His presence will stand out in a crowd because it will be deliberate. This is both the gift and challenge that I give to him.
Knox, as the poem is quoted within the movie you were named for, 'suck out all the marrow of life' and live as deliberately as you can. Lastly, when you finally find the girl, chase after her with every fabric of your being. I guarantee you the lesson you learn from it or the love that you find will be worth every fleeting moment that you chased her.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Resolute.
Two years ago to date, I finally started a blog to express to family and friends what type of changes I wanted to make in my life. My thought was if I told people what I wanted to accomplish they would help hold me accountable to those goals. Not even two months into that and ever since then, it has evolved into a sounding board where I openly blogged about personal aspects of my life like divorce, fatherhood, love, adoption, spirituality and even heartache.
The more brutally honest I was about some of my thoughts and feelings, the more people would go out of their way to support me. Naturally, that encouraged me to dive deeper inward on the next blog post and bring something else to light. Your support has been the disinfecting sunlight into some of the darkest corners of my heart. The only way I can describe to each of you what that growth process really feels like is to tell you that I simply feel like I am more whole of a man. Thank you for that.
For me personally, this year opened with a dawn that began one of the most brilliant and promising years that I have seen in a decade. Unfortunately it transitioned into a less than satisfying sunset but I am glad to see its rays set and disappear beyond the horizon that was 2014.
Good or bad outcome, I can say that my effort was present. From me, 2014 heard more of my laughs, felt more of my love, saw more of my growth, witnessed more of my flaws and felt more of my pain than many of the previous years combined.
After the last 365 days I am unsatisfied and I hunger for more. My appetite includes a healthier version of myself, putting together and documenting an official bucket list and obtaining a comfortable financial position that I have yet to attain. Most importantly, this coming year will witness a version of me that remains genuine and one that is deliberate.
I will get back up of the mat a little quicker than I did last year. I will take a few less sips and read a few more books. I will breathe in deeper and sigh a little less. I will spend more time in the present than pining over what has been lost.
I will allow the spark for life I posses to catch the kindling of a positive attitude and guide me into the beginning of a great 2015. You should come along, it promises to be one hell of a ride.
The more brutally honest I was about some of my thoughts and feelings, the more people would go out of their way to support me. Naturally, that encouraged me to dive deeper inward on the next blog post and bring something else to light. Your support has been the disinfecting sunlight into some of the darkest corners of my heart. The only way I can describe to each of you what that growth process really feels like is to tell you that I simply feel like I am more whole of a man. Thank you for that.
For me personally, this year opened with a dawn that began one of the most brilliant and promising years that I have seen in a decade. Unfortunately it transitioned into a less than satisfying sunset but I am glad to see its rays set and disappear beyond the horizon that was 2014.
Good or bad outcome, I can say that my effort was present. From me, 2014 heard more of my laughs, felt more of my love, saw more of my growth, witnessed more of my flaws and felt more of my pain than many of the previous years combined.
After the last 365 days I am unsatisfied and I hunger for more. My appetite includes a healthier version of myself, putting together and documenting an official bucket list and obtaining a comfortable financial position that I have yet to attain. Most importantly, this coming year will witness a version of me that remains genuine and one that is deliberate.
I will get back up of the mat a little quicker than I did last year. I will take a few less sips and read a few more books. I will breathe in deeper and sigh a little less. I will spend more time in the present than pining over what has been lost.
I will allow the spark for life I posses to catch the kindling of a positive attitude and guide me into the beginning of a great 2015. You should come along, it promises to be one hell of a ride.
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