Birthday wishes

Dear ...,

I wish I knew the name to address my salutation to but to date, you have chosen for me not to know this yet. I say "yet" but truth be told my faith has begun to wane in the hopes of ever actually meeting you. This summer will be five years since your last correspondence to Catholic Social Services and I am left with only the option to wait.

I am beginning to understand that our potential reunion comes with greatest of complications to your life. I physically represent the greatest truth that you have never brought to light; you mothered a child thirty-six years ago, today. If and when that secret is brought out of the darkest corner of your closet, I can merely begin to comprehend what types of emotions this would set off within the people around you.

You never disclosed my existence to the man you have spent the last thirty years of your life with. He has children of his own that surely look to you as some type of motherly figure. If you only knew how envious I was of them in that sense. Also, would this man take your lack of disclosure as treachery? I cannot say for certain but I would doubt any parent would take the sudden discovery that their partner was also a parent as anything less than incredibly special. To take this first step, I wish for the courage you need to take it to arrive swiftly at your door; just a few steps later you could be walking beside me.

You and I are our mother's only children. When I think of who your parents might be, I think of a British couple in their 80s whose collective heart might actually burst when they understand that they not only have a grandson but they have a beautiful, curious and wondrous great grandson. I wish for your will to be reinforced with the humility you will need to explain our existence to them.

The toughest part for me in all of this is that my father does not even know about me. I understand he left Michigan to return to London in pursuit of a career and this ended your relationship with him. Months later, you would feel the first signs of my life. I think of my son and the times when I go without seeing him for a few days and how it feels to hold him again and how his laugh warms my heart. I hate to think of the utter shock and disbelief that will arrive to my father in the moment of him finding out about me. I wish for your proverbial legs to be reinforced with the strength to stand and deliver this truth.

When I think of what our reunion would be from my perspective, it is all good news and healing. Because of this, it is easy for me to long for this reunion. From your perspective it is the complete opposite. You have to face every person that is in your corner and not only answer for why I have been a secret but you are accountable for all of the lost time that I would have had with them. That is a weight that I wish for you to be able to lift soon.

Today is not so much my birthday as it is the one day that I know for a fact you and I will simultaneously think of each other. For now, today is the one connection I have to you and I cherish it. Happy "birth" day to you and I hope my wishes find you well.